I'm not new to talking, sharing ideas, or stating my opinion, especially stating my opinion! After all, I taught elementary school for 30 years! However, my audience has typically been smaller,just family, the classroom, or just talking to myself!

My blog has two goals: be an outlet for sharing thoughts on writing children's books and the path to publication (got my fingers crossed that I'll get there) and a place to chronicle my journey of losing my sight. Sometimes I imagine these two paths will overlap .

Friday, December 4, 2009

Visualeyes 7

There are 10 days left. This is a deadline I could live without. In 10 days, my sweet, white Corolla will belong to someone else. Hey! I see you out there rolling your eyes like this is no big deal.  And truthfully, I thought I had "conquered" this and moved past it. Until yesterday....

Yesterday I took the baby in for her last "checkup", commonly called the 70,000 mile checkup. (Well actually they did the 80,000 mile checkup because it checks more things-not to mention costs more.) Since I'm selling my car to friends, I wanted to be sure it was in good shape. Nothing puts a major chasm in a friendship faster than a car that expires suddenly on the highway! I wanted all the belts, fluids,  doodahs and thing-a-ma-bobs checked (as you can see I have a grasp of the technical aspects of cars), and don't forget the tires. Turns out the serpentine belt had cracks (there goes $150) and needed to be replaced. One of the tires- still under warranty- had a nail in it and had to be replaced (of course I had to pay for the labor of putting the new one on, geez), and the windshield wipers were getting floppy and needed to be replaced. With replacement of the oil, balancing and rotating the tires, a suggested, but declined, alignment and $300, I got my baby back. (See it cost just like a checkup at the doctor!) There were also notes to flush the brake fluid line and something else I've blanked out. A call to my friends reassured me that they would take care of the alignment, flushing and the whatever.

So my conscience is clear. I'm handing over a car in good shape. But the reality has finally sunk in that in 10 days I will be using the bus and subway as my  mode of transportation  FOREVER. Sure I have some wonderful friends who offer rides. And there are rides to be had for money as well. It's just the finality in that word forever. Knowing that I will never go from point A to point B on my own again, unless it's by walking, comes with some sadness. Yes, I know the world will be a safer place without me behind the wheel of an automobile, but this is not about knowing, this is about feeling. And it just feels sad. I'm not angry anymore, just melancholy.

I know this will pass and I'll get to a place where I can relish and appreciate the challenge of planning my day around a timetable of buses and trains and walking segments. (Hmmmm, sounds kind of similar to planning a day of teaching around lunch, Music, recess, and bus schedule.) But right now, it just feels sad. It's like having a good friend who's lived in your town for years and suddenly tells you she's moving out of town in a month. Once you get over the shock of it, you try to act as if everything is the same; doing the same things together, spending time together. Until you get to the last week.  Visits become more poignant, a voice in your head says, "this is the last time you'll do blah-blah together" and you never want it to end but know that it must. And you start to feel sad, even though you know you'll see each other again. It's adjusting to a different normal, a new normal. You will because you have to.

I will adjust to being a non-driver because I have to. But for now, it's just sad and I am dealing with that sadness respectfully and with dignity....and kleenex!


  1. im sorry that must be tough!

    blog awards just get passed around. you can create one or wait to receive one.

    Or you can Start by awarding the one I gave all my followers, including you! ;)

  2. Hi Gail,

    I think you should add grace. You obviously have an extra reserve of that!

  3. You want to borrow my horse? Much safer than a car and slimes you everytime you get close. :)

  4. Thanks Shelli, I'll give it a try.
    Cathy: Thanks for the compliment, it's appreciated.
    Granny- you are a hoot! Never rode a horse before, it might be like the blind leading the blind (excuse the bad pun!) Thanks for the offer , but I suspect people will get cranky if I tie up a horse outside the grocery store, especially if he leaves a big ol present in the street!

  5. Gail - I can't imagine how emotional it must be for you to give up your car. I think you're very brave for doing it. There are so many people who are irresponsible and keep driving regardless of their medical issues. I think you should go to the bookstore and load up on a bunch of fun new books to treat yourself! That way you'll look forward to riding the bus!

  6. LiLa:
    Thanks a great idea. Of course, anything can be a reason to go buy a bunch of books to read! One of my favorite excuses, eh reasons, is it's Tuesday, buy a book!! :-)
    Thanks for keeping up with me